final fantasy xiii (**)

Posted on January 27th, 2010

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
final fantasy xiii
a videogame developed and published by square-enix
for the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Final Fantasy XIII is “often as exciting as finding an email from a real human being in your spam folder”.

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final fantasy xiii (**) (short version)

Posted on January 27th, 2010

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
final fantasy xiii
a videogame developed and published by square-enix
for the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Final Fantasy XIII is “often as exciting as finding an email from a real human being in your spam folder”.

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Brütal Legend (****)

Posted on January 11th, 2010

Yes. a review of
Brütal Legend
a videogame developed by Double Fine Productions
and published by Electronic Arts
text by Samuel Kite
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Brütal Legend is a “story to be told over mead in some hall while you await the day to wage perpetual war on life”.

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Assassin’s Creed (***)

Posted on January 11th, 2010

Kill murder stab death kill rape stab slash cut bleed kill stab murder kill. a review of
Assassin’s Creed
a videogame developed by Ubisoft Montreal
and published by Ubisoft
text by Samuel Kite
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Assassin’s Creed is repeating a moderate thrill”.
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Left 4 Dead (***1/2)

Posted on January 11th, 2010

Ohhhhhh.... I get it... four. Like. For. Like. It's a joke. a review of
Left 4 Dead
a videogame developed by Valve
and published by Publisher
text by Samuel Kite
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom line: Left 4 Dead is “just … a really great time”.


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sin and punishment: successor to the sky (***1/2)

Posted on November 12th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
sin and punishment: successor to the sky
『罪と罰 宇宙の後継者 』tsumi to batsu: sora no koukeisha (japanese title)
a videogame by treasure
published by nintendo
for the nintendo wii
text by tim rogers
score: 1/2 (out of four)

Bottom line: Sin and Punishment: Successor to the Sky is “a veritable monster pancake stack of delicious, sticky frictions”.

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four warriors of light: final fantasy side story (***)

Posted on November 12th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
four warriors of light: final fantasy side story
『光の4戦士〜ファイナルファンタジー外伝』hikari no yon senshi: final fantasy gaiden (japanese title)
a videogame by matrix
published by square-enix
for the nintendo DS
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Four Warriors of Light: Final Fantasy Side Story is “a nice little game”.

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tetris (****) (abdnm #30)

Posted on November 5th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
tetris
a videogame by alexy pajitnov
published by probably every software company ever
for any device with a screen
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Tetris is “psychology”.

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canabalt (****) (abdnm #31)

Posted on November 5th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
canabalt
a videogame by semi secret software
play the full game for free at canabalt dot com
or purchase it via the iPhone / iPod Touch App Store for $2.99
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Canabalt is “Super Mario Tetris”.

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noby noby boy (****) (abdnm #32)

Posted on November 5th, 2009

HILARIOUS ALT TEXT a review of
noby noby boy
a videogame by keita takahashi and friends
published by bandai-namco games
for the sony playstation 3 computer entertainment system
text by tim rogers
score: (out of four)

Bottom line: Noby Noby Boy is “delicious eye taffy”.

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